Well, Here we are at the end of the Year

 So much to catch you guys up on... 

I am in finals week finally and the end is in sight. I gave the apartment a good cleaning and hopefully, it can stay like that for the remainder of the week, or at least until Friday..lol 

I can say that I am not a person that likes to spend all day and night sitting and fretting but here we are doing that very thing. I am obsessed with getting things done correctly and having the stress of moving looming in my head. I am also very scared for some reason. Scared to mess up, scared to not meet the deadlines, scared to even do simple and small things. I hope that I can give myself some more feelings of stability over time and get comfortable with just going the things that I need to for life. It can be scary and it can be stressful, but you o lord are with me and you will help me and guide me during the journey lord! 

I am getting to a place where things are getting into a routine. I also accomplished some big girl things last week that made me feel so good as a woman! I am also am keeping to a almost clean diet. I was able to eat up most of the food as well so I didn't waste any money at least. 

However school took a hot the last two weeks and I haven't been able to focus as much as I would have liked to. But I am confident that if I can get a solid day of work like Tuesday. I can get my other class out of the way and then spend Wednesday and Thursday studying and trying to focus. 

We will see how it goes and go from there. I have to work on making a schedule and keeping my word to myself. And being uncomfortable with things getting hard for a short period of time. 

Some random thought that had occurred to me this week is that I look at Sani and I and I see that black women are usually in situations that force them to be independent. I don't want to have to figure out how to move my life and complete my finals at the same time, but here we are and I see that other cultures do not have that issue. They are in a position where someone comes and helps and steps in. This is a general statement that doesn't include everyone. I have seen women that have to make their own provisions. And these women were white and Chinese, but on average Black women are left to fend for themselves on another level that I have not seen any other race of women have to do. We have no connections out here to anyone or anything. And other women who find themselves in similar positions, can rely on someone to assist them either partially or fully. 

Black women do not have the luxury, and this fact is the reason why most black women are strong and