Well Here we are in 2025...Still in college and no closer to being sure.

 

So this past year has not gone as expected and I feel more alone than I did in previous years. I am set to graduate in June and I don't feel any closer to feeling like an accomplished person since I started this journey. I have learned that I AM A MESS. My time here has gone a completely different route and I am not sure I am happy about it. I wish I was the person that was okay with themselves. I wish I could enjoy this time, like I should. But I don't. I don't let myself enjoy anything that I do and I WISH THAT I was better at this. 

I am now 30 years old, and my fear of not graduating before 30 happened. I am ashamed, but still happy that I went where I needed to. My binging has gotten better and I am walking a lot more and officially have stopped doordashing food. I am blessed to able to afford the things that I need and some of the things that I want. I want to be a person that can look back on this time and be grateful for it ALL. 

I have learned that I can survive on my own, just not well. I have not become a person that can truly take care of myself totally. I know I need more practice than that. 

Here we are on Saturday and I don't feel any anxiety, yet...but it is creeping up and I want to have some breathing room to get things done this week. This week is going to be a doozy for sure and I want to have a good grade in all my classes so I have to get things done and up the ante. We are so close to the finishline. We simply CAN NOT give up! We have wanted to go to a school outside of Modesto for so long, I have truly lost the PLOT. I don't even know what I am doing anymore and I don't feel confident at all!