The Devil is Quick, but my God is QUICKER

 So, yall we’ve been having a great week of eating and exercise. It is getting easier to just prepare a healthy meal and move on with the day. I am grateful that I am seeing the signs. ALL Signs! 

So, even though we are having a great week, I am finding myself struggling though today. Mentally. I am not doing terrible. I am however realizing jsut hw deep my impatience goes. I really want this to be overnight. Deep dw, I am looking at this as temporary instead of a lifelong commitment to health and wellness. So we need to pray: 

Jesus, 

I am so glad I get to talk to you about this. I used to think that you were tired of hearing from me about my health. Now I am realizing, it is not the same prayer, nor the same intention. I used to pray you to take away the addiction and the fat. Like they do with “pray the gay away” rhetoric. But this is my work that needs to be done. This is my cross. I don’t say that in a defeated way. I say it as in: This is my thorn. This is the idol that I have worshipped for years. And what was done and reinforced for years will take time to adjust. Don’t get me wrong here. We are not eating CRAZY anymore. We are not giving into cravings anymore. But the thoughts and feelings when I want to run to a meal, like I do right now, won’t go away. It’s like when someone is hearing voices. The medicine doesn’t always take the voices all the way away. But it becomes manageable. Is this the right way to think about this God? Should I be looking at this as a disease that is incurable, and I will have to live the rest of my life with it? It won’t have the same power over me that it used to- but it will be there. I don’t know if this is the right way to be thinking about this, but this is kid of where i am with it. This is why I know that I need hobbies. Things that will keep me focused and not give me too much legroom for my eye to wander. I just wanted to talk to you about it Lord, because you have already seen my first and last day. You know exactly how this is going to go. So give me the insight that I need to continue to fight against my flesh  and my desires that are outside of your will. I want to be what you have called me to be. The excuses have run out, I am no longer a child, and it is time that I put away childish things- for good. Children look to their parents when things go wrong and say, “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t my fault! It was an accident!” But those don’t fly and are no longer sufficient answers to the wreck that is my life. I want so much to be more mature and to take care of myself more effficently. I have only been out here for aa year and some change and I feel like I have learned so much about my habits and my comforts. I want to be better GOD. In Jesus Name, amen.