AND JUST THAT QUICK!

 I just posted about how proud of me that I am, but I am really stressed. I want to just be transparent. I am having bad cravings and LUST problems. I am craving fast food BAD today. And some sexual desires are coming back up as well and I am fighting for my life over here. I  stared at the Door Dash app for what seemed like forever. I wanted to get me a 10 piece lemon pepper, fries and a large drink. 

I had to get up and remind myself that I'm a new person. I am not that girl anymore. I am a girl who doesn't avoid things with food anymore. I am a person who handles her problems, makes plans and sticks to them. I don't run to food to escape. Food is only to maintain my health. I can't abuse food anymore. 

God you know that there are so many things that are going on with my food habits. I want it so much more than I used to. I used to give myself the excuses of why I couldn’t eat better. I wanted to look and feel better, but at the same time I didn’t want to hold myself to that higher level of accountability. I struggle with telling myself NO. And meaning it! I never meant NO seriously. My was very soft and conditional. My commitment to saying YES to food was strong. 

But earlier this week when things got stressful financially, I didn’t rely on what I know to do. I know that i love walking. I LOVE IT. My ability to be disciplined and stay structured in my time, work and efforts. God I have not been as serious as I could have. Without you it’s so hard God. I struggle with just being faithful to school now and i feel that I am burning out. I have been in school so long that i am always thinking about the next project. But I have not thought about you as much. But I think that you are so awesome that you already. Know this. God i am a new creation. I am a new person, I don’t have to do the things that I used to do. I am new. Old things have passed away, and beholding all the things that are new in my life.