Pool Day and some other stuff running thru my mind...

 I went to the pool for the first time in a long time. I can recall the last time I went to the pool. It was when Ms. Carol was still here. It feels like such a long time ago. It probably was. But I swam laps for the first time. I did well. I even swam backwards and my arms and legs hurt pretty bad. It was a great experience tho. I feel that my skin is also clearing up and I wore earrings and lipgloss again. I Hadn't done that in years. It was a great feeling. I went with my roommate and we both got some much-needed exercise in. I think I can do this. The walking was not so bad either. I felt that I was moving faster. I don't know if I actually did move faster but it felt like it. I probably won't be walking in the afternoon anymore, But today was a great day to try and get to the pool, but we are also still failing in chemistry. I don't actually know what else to do. I am in a bit of a predicament, but we are going to keep trying and going no matter what. I want to be further, but the more that I think about how everyone else passed but me, I just am so discouraged with that. I can literally feel the part of me that wants to give up and fall apart on the inside. She is not as loud as she used to be. Now she is like a low faint whimper, but she is nagging me. I know I need to talk to her, let her know its going to be careful. That little girl in me that is scared that I am always, ALWAYS a beat behind. I can never be ahead of the curve and that bothers me. I know that there are people who would look at my situation and say it's okay, just keep going...But I have been in this weird place where I just can't seem to be happy about any of the good things that happen to me. And it's because of the areas that I am failing in. I am over the parts of me that just can't keep up, but there are many things that we can go right, I am nowhere near where I want to be. But I am not going to give up, I AM GOING TO KEEP TRYING, NO MATTER WHAT... 


In other news, I have been working on my website. I have a place for my podcast and short stories and blog. I am currently working on how I am going to get my online store together. I also want to work on drawing skills so that I can start to really get my art together. The store is called the Phat Girl Chronicles Storefront and I will be selling so many things that I like and I just want to do it and do it right. I also have been thinking about Lady Lemonade. I want to make it into a legit drink for vending machines to start, then as it blows up I want to sell it in Walmart. I want it to become a staple lemonade that they have in the fountain drinks at fast food restaurants, I know that is a big dream, but it is my dream. So random and so many things running through my head. I know that if I don't move on it I will be so upset that it was a dream that never happened. I know that If I don't do it, I WILL SEE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT and that will burn the living daylights out of me. So just like Judy, I can be in stores and be successful in running a business. I wish that I could have someone to work with me that can be just as passionate or even more passionate than me. It is going to get done, but it really takes time to develop the things that I want to do. 

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